Friday, February 19, 2010

Breaking the glass under the chuppah

I saw an interesting statement from Rav Ovadiah Yosef recently, about the common practice of breaking the glass under the chuppah:
In a weekly Torah sheet, Maran HaGaon HaRav Ovadia Yosef Shlita discusses the minhag of a choson breaking a glass at the conclusion of a chupah, lamenting the fact the custom has become amusing rather than reminding us of the destruction of the Beis HaMikdosh. The Rav states this significant minhag in the case of many bridegrooms has become nothing more than frivolity and a testimony to one’s strength, one’s ability to smash the glass in a single stroke.

The choson smashes the glass into small fragments and the tzibur shouts “mazel tov” he writes, and the result is exactly the opposite of the intention of implementing the minhag. While the Rav states it would not be proper to eliminate the minhag, the actions of some compel one to think doing so might be preferable.

The Rav speaks of the minhag among sephardim, to recite “If I Forget Thee Oh Jerusalem…” while the cup is broken, suggesting the rabbi officiating at the chupah to instruct the choson to recite the posuk after breaking the glass, to enhance the significance of the act and to remind the guests of the symbolism surrounding the act.

The too-often-seen practice of jocularity and concentrating on the force exerted to smash the glass should be replaced by proper reflection of the churban and what the act, breaking the glass symbolizes.
I'd really have to see the parsha sheet inside, because I am not certain what Rav Ovadiah Yosef means by "The choson smashes the glass into small fragments and the tzibur shouts “mazel tov” he writes, and the result is exactly the opposite of the intention of implementing the minhag". It would seem that he is saying that they are saying "mazal tov" and wishing congratulations on his ability to smash the glass, or at least are regarding the smashing of the glass as a sign of a good thing.


But what is really happening there is that everyone sits quietly for the duration of the chuppa, for the kiddushin and the nisuin. And when the proceedings are finally over, everyone shouts "mazal tov!" for the completed marriage. And then they dance the chassan and kallah out, to the yichud room, to joyous music and dance. It just so happens that the last ritual under the chuppah is the breaking of the glass. And so the two are accidentally juxtaposed. But they aren't saying "mazal tov" for the breaking of the glass. (This, even though during the year, people do say "mazal tov" when someone accidentally breaks a plate.)

At my brother-in-law's wedding last week (mazal tov!), someone sang "Im Ishkachech Yerushalayim...", "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem" in the microphone as the chassan was breaking the glass. This is more or less in accordance with Rav Ovadiah Yosef's suggestion. Though it wasn't done because of Rav Yosef's prompting. Rather, I've seen this practice at many weddings in the past few years.

On the other hand, this may be a case of being darned if you do and darned if you don't. I recall that my rebbe for Yoreh Deah, Rabbi Weiss, was very much opposed to this "new" minhag of singing Im Eshkachech. This was not the way things had been done, and one should not innovate a minhag. (On the other hand, eventually klal Yisrael will continue with this new minhag long enough for it to become an old minhag.)

But assuming for the moment that this custom of smashing a glass indeed has lost its meaning, at least in the communities Rav Ovadiah Yosef is referencing, just how did this come about? The source for this wedding custom appears to be, initially, in Berachot daf 30b - 31a:
We learn it from here: Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. What is meant by 'rejoice with trembling'? — R. Adda b. Mattena said in the name of Rab: In the place where there is rejoicing there should also be trembling. Abaye was sitting before Rabbah, who observed that he seemed very merry. He said: It is written, And rejoice with trembling? — He replied: I am putting on tefillin. R. Jeremiah was sitting before R. Zera who saw that he seemed very merry. He said to him: It is written, In all sorrow there is profit? — He replied: I am wearing tefillin. Mar the son of Rabina made a marriage feast for his son. He saw that the Rabbis were growing very merry,
so he brought a precious cup worth four hundred zuz and broke it before them, and they became serious. R. Ashi made a marriage feast for his son. He saw that the Rabbis were growing very merry, so he brought a cup of white crystal and broke it before them and they became serious. The Rabbis said to R. Hamnuna Zuti at the wedding of Mar the son of Rabina: please sing us something. He said to them: Alas for us that we are to die! They said to him: What shall we respond after you? He said to them: Where is the Torah and where is the mizwah that will shield us!
It is not entirely clear, from the context of the gemara, that the reason for limiting the extreme merriment was specifically sorrow about the destruction of Yerushalayim and the Beis Hamikdash. (If so, saying or singing Im Eshkachech would not necessarily be the most meaningful here.) But regardless, this gemara would seem to be the source for breaking glass after nisuin. Indeed, this is what Tosafot says on the daf, מכאן נהגו לשבר זכוכית בנישואין.

But there is a difference between the gemara and our practice. Most obvious is that in the gemara, it was the father of the chassan, who was making the feast, who broke the glass.

But what I would consider an equally important distinction is that this was not planned. Mar bar Ravina, and Rav Ashi, did not necessarily plan in advance to break the glass, as part of the ceremony. And had the rabbis not grown so merry, they would not have violated bal tashchis to break a glass. This was a conscious decision, taken in response to a specific need. These Amoraim had the same response because one took his cue from the other, but still, it was only in response to the specific need.

In contrast, once this becomes unthinking minhag, its nature changes. It is not done with the same thought and deliberateness, but rather becomes part of the proceedings. They break the goblet even when people are not exceedingly merry, or in danger of becoming so. And since it becomes part of the proceedings, which is one of joy, it begins to lose its initial meaning, and develops new, positive, associations. It could readily become a celebratory act, much like the Greek practice of smashing plates in joy.

I would compare this to the Mishna in Avos:
רבי שמעון אומר, הוי זהיר בקריאת שמע [ ובתפלה ] .ש
וכשאתה מתפלל, אל תעש תפלתך קבע, אלא רחמים ותחנונים לפני המקום ברוך הוא, שנאמר (יואל ב) כי חנון ורחום הוא ארך אפים ורב חסד ונחם על הרעה.
ואל תהי רשע בפני עצמך.

The idea being that once it is fixed, it loses meaning. Of course, there is a fixed order and wording to Shemoneh Esrei, which Chazal established, and there is value to that -- and we are not supposed to deviate too much from it.

[At this point, insert homiletic lesson and praise of / blessings for Chassan and Kallah -- yes, I am trying to work this into a Sheva Brachos speech.]

5 comments:

Tamir said...

I'd really have to see the parsha sheet inside

Well, the best I can find, in Hebrew, on the Net, is Arutz 7's article:
http://www.inn.co.il/News/News.aspx/200533

It claims the "weekly Torah sheet" was the Torah supplement Oneg Shabat(ענג שבת) of the Shas newspaper Yom leYom(יום ליום)( actually it quotes the Israeli paper Yisrael haYom(ישראל היום), which quotes Oneg Shabat)

... because I am not certain what Rav Ovadiah Yosef means by "The choson smashes the glass into small fragments and the tzibur shouts “mazel tov” he writes, and the result is exactly the opposite of the intention of implementing the minhag". It would seem that he is saying that they are saying "mazal tov" and wishing congratulations on his ability to smash the glass, or at least are regarding the smashing of the glass as a sign of a good thing.

Arutz 7, quoting Oneg Shabat:
המנהג נהפך למין התהדרות גבורה, שהחתן דורך בכח על הכוס ומשברו לרסיסים וכל הקרואים (מוזמנים) ממלאים פיהם שחוק ואומרים 'סימן טוב' והוא ההיפך מכוונת התקנה

It would seem that he is saying that they are "wishing congratulations on his ability to smash the glass" and "are regarding the smashing of the glass as a sign of a good thing"

Rabbi Joshua Maroof said...

I generally ask the attendees for a brief moment of silence between the smashing of the glass and shouting mazal tov, so that we can reflect on the somber message of the glass-breaking before returning to the festive state of mind.

joshwaxman said...

"Well, the best I can find, in Hebrew..."

thanks. very interesting. my gut reaction is that here is a Sefardi rabbi misunderstanding Ashkenazi custom. but then i think that perhaps here i am as an American, not understanding the particulars of Ashkenazic Israeli custom...

"I generally ask the attendees for a brief moment of silence..."
is your sense, as well, that without this, the attendees misunderstand or miscast the purpose of breaking the glass?

thanks, and kol tuv,
josh

thanbo said...

A couple of comments:

1) In Israel the minhag is to break it after kiddushin, not nissuin. Which confused us & everyone else, b/c our Mesader Kiddushin was a RY in Israel (and a cousin).

2) IIRC from R' Aryeh Kaplan in "Made in Heaven", the reasoning of the braisa in brochos is that excess merriment is in itself a problem, as is excess in most everything else. There's no link to the Temple.

It used to be customary, to put a shmutz of ashes on the chassan's forehead before the kiddushin under the chuppah (and some Chasidim still do this) as a zecher lechurban, but that fell out of use for most of us c. 1900. So the glass took on this extra significance. Which might explain some opposition to singing Im Eshkachaich - it's really not part of the glass-breaking.

3) Mazal tov on dropping a tray at a restaurant, with accompanying loud clatter, is obviously a backformation from breaking the glass.

Well, a few, not a couple.

joshwaxman said...

thanks. quite interesting.

at chabad.org, i found a very informative book chapter, all about this.

in terms of (1), this might be related to the machlokes whether one smashes the cup used for kiddushin or the cup used for nisuin. (even though nowadays we use a different cup).

in terms of (2), baruch shekivanti! that makes a lot of sense, in the context of the gemara. according to the linked chapter, Kol Bo was the first to make the connection to the destroyed Temple.

in terms of the ash, that still is my family's custom. (we come from some chassidic lineage.) and the same at my brother's wedding. rav schachter has an interesting point about this -- he puts it right at the makom of tefillin, since the basis is eifer tachas pe`eir. and points to ash wednesday, where christians do the same thing, as evidence that they held some Sadducee beliefs, in terms of the place of tefillin.

in terms of (3), indeed.

:)

kt,
josh

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